What is the Point of Everything?

Oh, look. It's Friday, the best day of the week before the weekend comes in with its promise of freedom, joy, and surging ecstasy, right? Nope. Not at all. In fact, I'd argue that Friday is among the most   pointless days of the week , if only because of its empty promise of relief from the week when in fact we all know that we'll be repeating the same great pain of the week all over again shortly. We have deluded ourselves into thinking Friday is any better than any other day that comes before it from Monday onward, only because we have the delusion that the weekend is somehow less of a prison than those days when we're stuck in our jobs. But the fact remains that Friday is but a vessel of false hope leading us into the darkness of the succeeding Monday after we get a brief tease of light on Saturday and Sunday, just enough to keep us going. In short, Friday is the Great Deceiver of the week, while Saturday and Sunday are but brief moments of vacuous intoxication ...

If you believe that Wednesday is pointless , just take a look at Thursday, which is the true "hump" of the week. Smack in the middle of the seven-day cycle of mundanity and agony, Thursday is but a stepping stone of misery that lies midway across a path leading into its own beginning and end, forever to be repeated without truly being a middle of anything. In fact, you could argue that Thursday's polar opposite, Sunday, is also the middle of the week. Or, if you want to get really creative, make the diameter of the Week Circle run perpendicular to the existing structure, and you've got either the midway point between Tuesday and Wednesday or Friday and Saturday as the middle. In any case, based on how we currently perceive the week, Thursday is truly the center point. As the week slumps along—empty day after empty day bleeding into the rest until you realize that the week is a meaningless illusory construct designed to delude us into thinking Saturday and Sunday a...

It's time for me to discuss the point of Wednesday, or what is often mistakenly considered the "hump" of the Week Camel. However, if you've been reading my explanations regarding the point of each day of the week , including the point of Tuesday , you'd know that Wednesday is actually just the day before  the true middle of the week, Thursday, serving as a mere modicum of discomfort in a seven-day sea of absolute pointlessness. Also, the week isn't a camel, contrary to what ridiculousness Western society would have you believe. It's actually a snake with its tail in its mouth. But let me detail the exact pain that Wednesday entails due to its relentless droll faux optimism, thanks to the idea that getting over this "hump" somehow means the rest of the week isn't  some kind of a lackluster void—a repetitive hurricane of emptiness and disappointment. Why is Wednesday Pointless? There are several reasons why Wednesday is pointless. Fo...

If you thought Monday was pointless , just think how Tuesday feels. If Monday—as I discussed when talking about the pointless of Monday—is the anus of the week, or the Mundanus, as the ancients used to call it, Tuesday is just a notch away from that disgusting point. At least the anus is a technical endpoint to something. Tuesday, on the other hand, is where none of the action takes place, unpleasant or otherwise. Thus, Tuesday is likely the most pointless day next to Wednesday and Thursday. You might be thinking, "How can I skip these three days and go straight to Friday?" Well, wake-up call, you can't . Ever. If we had a time travel device that allowed us to skip any day of the week, we might as well just use it to travel all the way to our death so we can escape the mundanity of the week forever. But alas, we can't, and I'd like to spend more time making it clear why Tuesday is the saddest and most tragic day of the wholly pointless week. And why would ...

Oh, here we go. What is the point of Monday? I can tell you that, in fact, it's nothing. There isn't any more of a point to Monday than there is any other day of the week, and I'm here to drive that pointlessness home better than any other pointless person could. Why is Monday Pointless? Well, if you haven't already read my explanation as to what the point of the week is , then you're likely wondering why I'm here to tell you what it is that puts Mondays on the same level of pointless as every other day in our seven-day cycle of futility. Let me start by breaking down the word "Monday." It shouldn't come as a surprise that the word sounds like "mundane," because it's actually derived from that word. Back in the early days of mankind they called the first day of the week "Mundanus," which is made-up Latin for "pointless anus." Yes, Monday is not only pointless, but it is also considered the butthole of th...

To kick off my blog about the perpetual pointlessness that I've found in this tiring universe, I want to start by examining the pointlessness of the week. Here's my breakdown of what actually makes the week just as pointless as every other element you'll find in this useless universe. Why is the Week Pointless? Because it is. Why do we wake up and go to work or school during the week, only to find that the next day is a repeat of the exact same thing? We eat our boring sandpaper oatmeal in the mornings, drink our week-old coffee that tastes like tar at our breakfast tables that for some reason are shaped like stupid squares even though we always hit our hips in the corners and scrape ourselves every damn morning, and we get in our cars and drive on the moronic roads where other moronic drivers can't seem to figure out how to avoid getting in your way. One car even crashes into a gas station and causes it to explode as the driver complains about his only family be...